Wedding Time

Everyone knows summer is a wedding time, so I got two invitation. Apparently not alone.

Those who did read my post "did I miss something." should be aware that right now I am not in “the mood to settle down”, but I still need a partner who would attend with me for the wedding. I started to think who can I ask to do me a favour and be my companion. Honestly, I do have a lot of man friends however when I start to think about them no one sounds right. Since the wedding is coming very soon, I had to make a plan, and I started simple. Well, when people are looking for short-term

partners they go to the parties, so I went clubbing. I have to tell you - it is tough right there.

Honestly, I don't know what part of me says „I am totally dumb” but it must be something because it seems that I am attractive to creepy guys. And of course I am not saying about men who are not my type, I am saying about those guys who are nobody's kind - the one you are scared of when he walk behind you in the evening. Hmm well, I better start running ;-)

I decided that I am not going to give up because of this. Therefore, I continue looking for the company, and I met a couple of guys who are „nerd type”. That was much better experience, although when a man is trying to impress me by saying „You are like google, you have everything I was looking for”- I will smile politely, but I will rather not go to the second date. And I continue seeking...

I am not quite sure. Is it me? Am I expecting too much? Or maybe there are not too many smart and funny men on 'singles market'.

I guess I need just to find a good-looking guy. That suppose to be much easier. Obviously, most of that kind of guys are not good for a relationship; however, they can be a good companion for the wedding date.

I know it sounds shallow but come on… Men do that all the time. They date women only because they find them pretty. So maybe I should try the same as this suppose works. 

It is hard for me to decide whether I go alone or if I manage to find a date for those weddings but no matter what. I am planning to have an excellent time ;-)

Life Is a Game?

I remember like yesterday the time when I was ten or maybe eleven years old; I was sitting at home and thinking how amazing will be when I grow up.

 I couldn't imagine how I will look like and how my life is going to be. But somehow I was sure - it will be better. I just knew one thing, I want to grow up. I used to imagine that I can do whatever I want. Play as much as I want; say whatever I want; I will not need to listen to anyone except myself. In fact, there would be no limits for me because I am mature...

Now it happened. I am an adult (at least this is what my ID says…) And things seem to look entirely different from those what I imagined when I was a teenager. In fact, it is opposite: Maybe I can say what I want, but then I know that is not always appropriate, not always politically correct and not always they should be spoken... Maybe I can do what I want, but the truth is: whatever I have done I always ended up thinking about it how others will perceive it, or this question always in my had asking "right or wrong?"

And if we are talking about this "no limits bullshit"? Well, there are millions of limits.

Let's face it: we are always in control of something or someone: money, time, religion, politics,  parents, partners, children, our habits and even our boundaries. 

I cannot say I don't like to be grown up; I love it! However, sometimes I am getting tired. I am exhausted when I have to put 'Happy Eve' face when I am far from happiness. I am sick of watching carefully which words I have to use to ensure that I do not hurt someone's feelings, or I will not upset him or her. I am not happy that I have to pretend.

It was a time when for a moment I thought that I do not need to, but then I realized that when I am real I am not that funny, and I do not have many people around me. 

Family,maybe this three friends. Honestly, it is not so much. 

I am sure some of you would think; it is better to have those three real friends around you than hundreds fake, but is it? Really? 

Even, if we can be real in our private life I wouldn't be so sure if this „ be real thing” will work out so good for the school, job, social life, in fact, i am pretty sure most of us are pretending in that kind of environment. 

There is a saying that 'Life is a game'.

This game isn't fair, most of us have different start and even different level of difficulty, but I am pretty sure that we all have the same end…

You have to play, whether you like it or no.

The key for the players is to get to know the rules of the game.

The problem begins when you realize no one will teach you how to play, even if you will be the lucky one and others would like to help you "how to play" still there are the things which you must figure it out on your own.

Wrong move and the game can over before it started, but if somehow you manage to learn the concept then the real fun begins…

Who doesn't like to play from time to time?

    

Perfect Imperfections?

Everyone can be Perfect at least for a moment...

We all see those magazines with those perfect people. Who doesn't love Victoria Secret models? There are beautiful, confident and skinny. 

Whenever I see the cover of some magazine with those amazing people, I always think: I wish I could be one of them. I feel like they are the chosen one.

Usually, I feel quite confident with myself but every time I look at the cover model I see only all those 'what she has, and I don't.' Then I am ending up with thoughts how many stuff I wish to change in myself.

The issue with that kind of comparison is that whenever you see someone better than you, you may perceive yourself as someone worse. In the normal situation, you would scale yourself on let say 8 (range from 1 to 10), after comparing yourself to the perfect one, you will decrease 'your worth' and move yourself to nr 5 or lower.

I think similar situations happened in my last relationship with Mr. Perfect. Well, he was portrayed as supreme in my head.

The more I idolize him, the less confident I felt. I started wondering how come this amazing and wonderful person draw his attention to me – ordinary woman. I felt so lucky that such a marvellous guy wanted to be with me. But the more I worship him, the less worthy I felt.

As time passed by I realize that was stupid. He was not perfect, and nobody really is.

I think those magazines work the similar way. They make you feel bad by showing the image which is not real. We all know that nowadays there is a photoshop and the story behind the success must be catchy but still...

The next time when I look at the astonishing women on the cover I am going to pointed out “what I have and what she does not” instead of thinking other ways.

Perfect people don't exist… Therefore, I decided that instead of fighting my imperfection I am going to learn to accept them and then maybe one day I will love them because the way we perceive ourselves is all in our heads…

Maybe sounds silly…but at least, it makes me feel good ;-)

No Pain No Gain

Being an adult comes with responsibilities. Some of them we may like more some of them we like less. We just do it. Until we have to do something we do not really like. Then everything is more important than the activity we detest. Cleaning apartment, cooking, ironing. At this moment you realize that you need to pick up dress which you left at your girlfriend flat year ago. Even if you normally not a talkative person, now you feel that you need to talk with your friends and it is so important… Then you got tired, hungry, you have to eat something, rest and so on. Time goes by and at the end of the day you are feeling guilty, when you realize that day passed and you did nothing. Therefore you promise yourself – tomorrow, you will do everything what is need and even more. But 'tomorrow' never comes.

Does it sound familiar?

The truth is no one really want to do things we don't like. However those things have to be done.

We all know that “successful people are the one who do all the things unsuccessful person don't want to do”. Even more they make habits from it.

The secret is: just do the activity you have to do it. Is that really so simple?

If yes, then why becoming successful in life is so hard?

Presently I am trying to learn how to become one of those people who do things they do not like first, and I can tell you it is hard. The concept behind seems to be simple but not easy. Especially if there is no one who will tell you you have to do it! The only person who will command you – is You.

You have to face nobody but yourself and that is why it is so hard even if its so simple. Fighting against yourself is the heaviest battle you need to win and Today I am warring against my attitude 'do it tomorrow'.  I am not going to postpone it because my struggle today is for my better tomorrow. 

Did I Miss Something ?

I am 26 years old woman, When I was teenager used to watch the TV series “Sex in the city”. This show created an image in my head that even an an independent woman who is in her 30's can be sexy, attractive and single.

However lately I started to receive informations from my friends (who are roughly the same age as me);

- someone got married or is getting married

- someone has a baby or is pregnant and so on…

Most of my friends and other people around me seems to choose family and stabilization over freedom.

Am I immature or just others grew up too fast?

And what about this image of sexy, smart, single woman at her thirties?

Isn't it cool any more? It is hard for me to believe that it lost its attractiveness. Is this happening everywhere or just here in my Poland there is 'an obligation' to get married and starting family before the lady hits the “magic 30”?

I am very happy for all my friends who are happy with their other half, but from the other side with all those news I am starting to feel a pressure…

But what if some people are designed to be single? It looks like the role of the smart sexy and single woman was created for me ;-) Just kidding.

For now I know that I am not going to be bride any time soon. Therefore I am not going to bother about it, instead of I am going to have the best time of my 'single' time.

Finally I started to follow my dreams and this is the first time when I really feel that I can achieve them. I am learning new things every day, I also develop different skills. Funny, I never imagined that I had them until now. But the most important for me is that I started to push my life forward.

In life you will never know how things will go, if you will be 'lucky' to be one of those who “live happily ever after” but one thing I am sure: Investing in yourself will always pay off.

Be or Not To Be? Happy..

Every now and then, we all have time in our life we call “a bad day”. This is the kind of day when from the very moment you wake up till the very end of a day, nothing is going well for you. I have been on these kind of days for a while. I lost my motivation and I didn’t have the power to stand up, I felt like sleeping all day and I got annoyed by little things very quickly.

It was a rough time for me, and even worse for everyone around me. So after another time I picked up a fight for no reason I decided I have to somehow manage to get myself back.  The problem was, I didn't really had an idea how should I do this? So I asked for the advice my big sister. She suggested to make a list of things I am grateful in life. Honestly, I wasn't really convinced to doing this. It sounds silly to me. However, I didn't have any better idea so I had to try the only option I had so far. I started to write my list of things I should be grateful for. It took me a while. Beginning was kind of awkward. I felt like I was a little girl who someone asked: “ What you love your parents the most for?” This is kind of question when the answer seems to be obvious but yet it`s not so simple. It started with things that I know for sure I should be happy about, like amazing sisters or good health. I get really into it and eventually I found more and more. When I looked at my list after a couple of days,  I was very surprised how long it became. I definitely was a lucky girl!  It also make me see that not only I am lucky but also I should be proud of myself because there is a lot of stuff on my list I can thank myself for. Therefore, I noticed I have no reason to be such an unhappy and pessimistic person. If I’ve been thinking in this sort of way for years, it`s impossible to change it immediately but I started to appreciate my life a little bit more. I believe this was the moment I noticed things I need to work on. Naturally, I didn't became like one of this hippie happy people, who are always peaceful and pleased with any thing they get in life. But I am still working on it :-)

"Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have? "

High Expectations

People in general, say 'you can’t have everything in life' They say if a girl is pretty she must be dumb. If someone has a lot of money probably they have all this because this someone was just lucky. Or a nice person would probably have said, all this because he/she scarified his/her life just to be rich so for sure he/she is unhappy in life. You know what that say 'money does not buy happiness'. And my favorite one for sure this person is a bad person.  People don't believe you can have it all. You always have to choose and sacrifice one thing to have the other.  

For example, one needs to choose a private life or to have a great career, or maybe never eat a favorite ice cream again to have a nice figure.

There is no way you can have these things at same time. 

Those people usually are the people who obviously don't have it all, so this got me thinking if this is really true? 

Of course the idea of having “everything” is very individual.

I started to think about people who 'do have it all' or at least they seem to, like Angelina Jolie or Bill Gates. Of course we don’t know for sure if they are happy but, let's be honest, they don't look unhappy either. 

Perhaps saying that you can't have everything in life is just an excuse.  Excuses for people who are not happy in life, because they are too lazy to change something.

Of course there are things which we can’t change like some serious health problem, or the way we look. Well it is not entirely true with look considering the option we have now (plastic surgery) but  for the sake of the argument lets say we can’t change this.  Although, I think all the rest, we can make it happen. In fact, I want everything.

I want it all! I want to have a great career, and this amazing house I've always dreamed about. I want to have time to help animals and travel around the world, and of course I want to have a great relationship. Relationship with this perfect man, at least, perfect for me, who will be there for me to catch me when I fall. I am sure, I could think about some more stuff that I want but,

is it possible that I expect too much from life?

For a minute, I thought maybe I should lower my standards?

After some time of thinking I decided I cannot lower my standards. First of all, we have only one life to live. So I said to myself that I will do whatever it takes to have everything I want from life. Because I am not quite ready to accept the fact that I can’t have it all.

At the end of the day, whatever will happens in my life, I will not regret any day.  I will either make it happen or I will die trying

Little Girl And The Big City

New York city  is an easy city to fell in love with. The City that has so much to offer, the city full of opportunities.

They say “The city that never sleeps” - sushi in the middle of the night? There it is. Hairdresser at 2:00 AM, shops,pharmacy open 24 hours or maybe even a manicure at 6:00 AM

You can get anything, anytime.  

I had this chance to spend some time here, so is not my last post about this amazing city.

So today I decided to share some of my observations about NYC.

#New Yorkers are people who don't care..

If you live in NYC, you have seen and heard pretty much everything so New Yorkers are used to ignoring things. 

Or maybe they are just too busy to see what is going on?

I have been in situation where men tried to kill himself jumping in from of a subway train. Most people in this  situation will  freeze with shock. What did i see? some people started taking pictures but most of them started to leave the train station hurrying to get a new train.

I guess they were disappointed that this train will be no longer in use. 

In New York people ask you all the time "howareyah"? It really does not matter if they just met you or that they known you for years.

You might think it is because they really want to know how are you doing. Well don't be surprised at the response you would get if answered sort of “ well could be better ,I just lost my job and my wife wants to divorce me, How about you?” Their answer will be, “ good, good, I am great too”  You might think this is a joke, but I wouldn't be so sure about that. ;-)

#Life expense

My first thought is what is the most expensive thing here?A place to live, of course. Not only to buy but even renting is not cheap. 

Price depends on the area of in the city you. Not a long time ago Manhattan was the most expensive place to rent or buy an apartment but things started to change and now also Brooklyn started to increase prices. Renting a studio apartment in a nice neighborhood is around $3000 a month. A cheaper option is to rent a room but don’t be surprised if the price doesn't go much lower than a thousand dollars per month. 

The good news is that if you know where to go the rest of living can be quite cheep:-) You can find, shops like a  lot-less or a dollar store ,best sales on days like the Black Friday and one of the best pizzas I have ever had wasn't in Italy but here in manhattan just one dollar per slice.

So there is no need to worry. There are plenty of ways to save money. If somehow you will run out of money don't worry. You can always try to pick up some by singing/dancing/doing a show or just asking for money on subways station. Here it is quite popular way to make money  this way, but keep in mind there is a lot of competition ;-) 

#Friendship

In city like Manhattan is very easy to get to meet people. I have never been asked for my phone number  as often in my life as on my short stay in NYC. Finding a date for Friday night is not a big deal but I realized that finding a friendship is.

Why? I don't really know,  maybe it is because there are so many cultures that is it really hard to find someone who will really understand us. Maybe because of the lifestyle the locals. People are “ too busy ” or maybe it is because a city like this offers so many options and choices that it makes it hard to stick to just one? One thing I know for sure, it is hard to be here alone, but not so hard to be lonely.

He Will Regret..

When your relationship is ending it is never easy. No matter who initiated the break up or what reason.
 It is was  always hard. It is even harder when you split up with man you know you want to marry.

We often after a split up promise to ourself that the man will regret . It becomes our next goal.

So we starts to take care of ourself,we get a new hairstyle ,start yoga ,read more books, start to put on high heels more often and get facials every week. 

We have this kind of belief that if we become better some how the man will start love us again.

But what if he doesn't ?

In fact, I think he probably will not.

Let’s face it, if someone does not love you any more, he will not start loving you again, only because you lost some weight or because you start going too rock concerts. 

It is easy to change yourself for someone you love but is it worth it?

I think it is good to make this kind of goal “he will regret” and use all this power we got, to become better.

At the beginning it will be all for him but after some time, it will be all for me

At the end of the day no matter what was the reason we started with, we decided to become better and that is what really counts.

Recently I learned an important lesson before you fall in love with someone you should fall in love with yourself first.
So if the next time another relationship will fall apart, I will not be the kind of girl who will try to fix it no matter what it take. 

I will sit down analyze and learn the lessons ,because I will still have faith. Faith in myself that I will find someone who will know that I am the one and will love me till the end.  

"The most exciting and challenging significant relationship of all is this one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the "you” you love well that’s just fabulous"

Beginning Is Never Easy..

I have been searching for a long time to see who I really am. Where in the world is my place, where is my home? 

There was a time in my life when I thought I found myself, I found my home.

I wanted so much to belong to one place that even if it didn't feel quite right, I still decided to stick to it.

Something went wrong and for some reason I felt homeless again. So I took a plane and flew away. 

It always feels good when I am in the air. It feels like freedom. Like me again. 

So I took a trip to the USA.

It was quite an adventure even if most of the time I spent in NYC I had the chance to see some other states too.

It was quite a journey. I had some amazing moments and some difficult times too. Along the way I learned a lot, like how to pack and travel smart, but most of all I have been learning about myself. Who I am and who I want to be. 

Once I had a thought… I was looking  at this beautiful Grand Canyon in Arizona. I felt like I was on top of the world like I was  a citizen of the world and it hit me!  There was nobody with me. No one to share this beautiful moment with me. So instead of being happy I ended up feeling sad. 

I decided I would write a blog so that I would never feel alone on my journey. I would love to share my experience with people who love adventure. Who are looking for something more in life. Who don't want to be tamed - just like me.

"Maybe some woman aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with."

-Carry Bradshaw